View Full Version : Really funny ones
PareenLathia
9th November 2006, 09:04 PM
An old lady gets pulled over for speeding....
Old Lady: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Old Lady: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Old Lady: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Old Lady: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.:confused:
Officer: I see... can I see you vehicle registration papers, please?
Old Lady: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Old Lady: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Old lady: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You, what?:eek:
Old Lady: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you will
see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car calls
for back up.
Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car.
A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn
gun.
Officer2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The Woman steps out of her vehicle.
Old Lady: Is there a problem sir?
Officer2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this and
murdered theowner.
Old Lady: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Old Lady: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving
license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands
it to theofficer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you did not have
a license,that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up
the owner.
Old Lady: Bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too:D
PareenLathia
9th November 2006, 09:08 PM
Read this one only if you can handle a real big PJ
There was a couple married for quite some time and they had a boy of 5-6 years old. Their relationship was turning sour.
So finally it reached such a stage that they thought it was better for them to be divorced than carry on such a relationship.
So they consulted a lawyer. But the big question was who would have the kid. In the hearing in the court. It was decided that this choice should be left on the kid. So the judge asked Son, would you like to stay with your mummy?
Kid said,No, mummy beats me
So the judge asked
Then, would you like to stay with your papa then ? Kid said, No, papa beats me
Now the judge was in a dilemma and was not able to decide what to do
after pondering for some time he smiled with the ideas he had in his mind about the child
And he gave the judgment that
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The kid would stay with the Indian Cricket Team because
they NEVER BEAT ANY BODY!!!:D
Hoo haa India
.!!!! aaya India....haaaraaa India!!
KumarJasapara
13th November 2006, 03:02 PM
An Arithmatic PJ:
What is the cube of 13 ???
Answer: ..........
Scroll Down ......
Not sure ??? Use a Calculator ......
Scroll Down ..............
Gave Up ???
It's "Suroor" ............
Tera*Tera*Tera Suroor. :D
By the same logic, what is 13 square ????
Simple, its "Naam" .....
Naam hai Tera Tera .... :D
Regards,
Kumar:cool:
KumarJasapara
14th November 2006, 01:50 PM
Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)
Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 Rank Opted for IFS)
Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.(Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)
Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand.
(UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)
Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs, He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)
Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)
Regards,
Kumar.:cool:
Ajeet
14th November 2006, 04:36 PM
Pareen and Kumar, these are all winners :) Please keep 'em coming. And if you will forgive my weak attempts at PJs, I have two for you:
Question 1: There are two Pipal trees. I tie a rope from one to the other. What is this rope called?
...
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NOKIA -- connecting Pipal
Question no. 2: A man has only two hair on his head. So, these two hair are each others only companion. When they grow up, they decide to marry each other. But, that would be highly inappropriate. Why?
...
....
...
Kyon ki Hamare desh mein BAAL Vivah Mana Hai.
He he. There is something therapeutic about PJs. :D
KumarJasapara
14th November 2006, 06:49 PM
Welcome to the world of suicidal PJ's Ajeet Sir ....
Keep posting ....
Here's a little game where everyone can chip in .....
It's about English, we write down the common phrases we use daily, and translate them exactly in Hindi ....
I am not making fun of either of the languages, it's only the fun of the meanings of the subsequent translation .....
For Example:
ARE YOU NUTS?
KYA AAP AKHROT HAIN?
LETS HANG OUT
BAHAR CHALKE KE LATAKTE HAIN
COOL MAN
THANDA AADMI
WHATZ UP?
UPAR KYA HAI?
something is fishy = kuch to macchli hai
u rock man.....
tum pathar aadmii.......
keep in touch
chhoote rehna.......
What the Hell is going on
Kya Nark ho raha hai
Thats the Bottom line
Yeh niche ki rekha hai
Wud U care For Coffee?
Kya Tum Coffee Ki Chinta Karte Ho?
Plz Don't Mind!!
Kripya Bheja Mat Kijiye!!
whats up man...
upar kya hai aadmi?
holy cow
dharmik gaai
Keep it up
Upar rakhiye
are u outta ur mind.....?
kya tum apne dimaag ke bahaar ho?????
Rock stars
Patthar taarein
bull's eye
bail ki aankh
enough for today ..... but keep them coming .....
aaj ke liye kaafi ...... par unko aanedo .... :D
Regards,
Kumar:cool:
RamgopalIyer
14th November 2006, 07:46 PM
Deadly PJs.... All New Ones....
Proceed at your own risk...
Gulshan Grover is riding a bike at the velocity of light.
On the way he offers a lift to a stranger.
Stranger: 'Sir, can I know your name please'
Gulshan : 'I am Gulshan Grocer'
Stranger : Grocer? Sure you dont mean Gulshan Grover??
Gulshan: No it is Grocer.
Now tell me why did Gulshan say so...
scroll down for the ultimate PJ
Further,,,
Little further...
ANS: Because at the speed of light V=C
________________________________________________________________________
And this is the latest one.... shayad padaa ho pehle but phir bhi
enjoy....................
) Smoking
2) Drinking
3) Charas
4) Ganja
5) Chicken
6) Mutton
7) Oily food
8) Masala
9) Sleep & obesity
10) Pollution
= Heart Attack
means...
scrolll down
DUS bahane karke le gaye DIL !!
________________________________________________________________________
Do you know why the name of Madras was replaced by Chennai???
Think......
Think..
Bit more.......
Because...a Madrassi wears lungi and there is no zip means chen..nai...
________________________________________________________________________
What's the opposite of "Dominoes"???
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
tired of thinking???
Well the answer is "Domi doesn't know"
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Whats the opposite of "Pizza Hut"
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okei don't kill me "Pizza Hutna math"
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Acha last one...............
ok whats the opp of venky's..
venlocks...
(now,now,dont bang ur head plz..)
________________________________________________________________________
What is the opposite of Subramnium Swamy?
Subramanium Didn't See Me.
How do they start a road race in Tamil Nadu?
Ready....Steady.....PO
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A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead.
"I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.
The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.
"I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."
The next day he calls again and once more asks to Speak to his boss.
By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts, "I'VE ALREADY TOLD
YOU
TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK!
WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"
"Coz," he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it..."
________________________________________________________________________
A guy is traveling in a deluxe car in the desert. He wants to take a
bath,
but he hasn't got a soap and there is no water anywhere around...
what can he do?
->>He will integrate his d-lux car to get Lux + c (constant of
integration)
Using the lux soap he will take bath in the 'c'.
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one day a man calls his wife from his IDEA mobile
his call gets cross connected to some other lady.They still keep on
talking..they start liking each other..and finally they get married.
what MORAL do u get???
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An IDEA can change your wife.
________________________________________________________________________
A man went to a STD/ISD/PCO SHOP and slapped the operator twice.
:-(
Guess why ?
because there it was written "Number dial karne se pehele do lagae"
________________________________________________________________________
whats difference between a man jumping from 1st floor and a man jumping
from
10th floor? . . . . . . . . . . . . former goes (hit) aaaaaaaaa later
goes
aaaaaaaaa (hit)
________________________________________________________________________
Other than being fruits, what is common between an Apple and an Orange?
think......
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socho socho
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the answer is ..........
They Both Are Not a Banana !!
a tamilian and a sardarji sittin together in a train. Tamilian is bored
and
wants to talk, he asks sardar "tamil terima?"
Sardar is offended and hits back "punjab tera baap"
Cheers
Ramgopal Iyer
KumarJasapara
14th November 2006, 09:22 PM
Brilliant Mr. Ramgopal Iyer .....
Enjoyed them all ..... {my favourite one was the d-Lux soap one}
Here's another few from me ......
A judge enters the courtroom, strikes the gavel and says, "Before I begin this trial, I have an announcement to make. The lawyer for the defense has paid me $15,000 to swing the case his way. The lawyer for the plaintiff has paid me $10,000 to swing the case her way. In order to make this a fair trial, I am returning $5,000 to the defense."
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A baby was just born. He had all his pieces and looked quite normal, except that he was laughing like crazy.
I mean laughing real hard. All the doctors and nurses were examining the little thing, in front of the worried parents, but he kept on laughing, his tiny fists all closed and tears rolling from his eyes. One at a time, a pediatrician unfolded the tiny fingers to check if the hand was all right, and... Guess what he found?
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The birth control pill !!!
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Teacher: 'A' for?
Student: Apple !!!
Teacher: Jor se bolo
Student: JAI MATA DI
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One frog said "tarr"
the other said
"tarr"
the frog said
"tarr"
the other said
"tarr"
the 1st frog said "tarr tarr"
toh other said "topic mat change kar"
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A man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man.
"I don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"Oh, please come to my house!"
"But sir, I have a wife and four children..."
"Bring them along!" the rich man said.
They all climbed into the limo. Once underway, the poor fellow said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in."
The rich man replied, "No, you don't understand. The grass at my house is over three feet tall!"
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ek marathi manus ne apne great grand mother ke naam pe ek bank khola..
wats the name of the bank????
the ans is ICICI...know y????
aai chi aai chi aai
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English Teacher : Four beautiful ladies r walking on the road. Change this to exclamatory sentence ....
Student : WOW !
History Teacher : From where to where did the mughals rule ?
Student : sir, i am not sure but think from page 15 to 26 sir....
Teacher : U failure ! @ ur age Bill gates stood first in the class
Student : Mind u, Sir, but @ ur age hitler commited suicide...
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Dhikchik dhikchik dhikchik dhikchik
kuhu kuhu
Dhikchik dhikchik dhikchik dhikchik
kuhu kuhu
Dhikchik dhikchik dhikchik dhikchik
kuhu kuhu
Dhikchik dhikchik dhikchik dhikchik
kuhu kuhu
Dhikchik dhikchik dhikchik dhikchik
kuhu kuhu
koooooooooh
Dhikchik dhikchik dhikchik dhikchik
kuhu kuhu
Dhikchik dhikchik dhikchik dhikchik
kuhu kuhu
ANY GUESSES ABOUT YEH KYA HAI ??????
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YEH KOYAL KE GAANE KA REMIX HAI!!!
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How some professors speak English:
- don't dare talk in front of my back!
- both of you three, get out of the class!
- y r u so late...say yes or no!
- take 5 cm wire of any length!
- i hv 2 daughters, both of them r girls!
- all of u stand in a straight circle!
- quiet... the principal just passed away!
- call your parents... both mother and father!
- close all the doors of the window!
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Regards,
Kumar.:cool:
RamgopalIyer
15th November 2006, 10:20 AM
Thank u sir, here are some more ones
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Teacher :What happened in 1869?
Student:Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.
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Teacher :Ramya and Shilpa!,why are you late for school,today?
Shilpa:Madam,I lost a one rupee coin and was searching for it.
Teachear:Ramya,what about you?
Ramya:Madam,,I was not able to move beacause I was hiding that coin under my
feet.
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Question:What is the fullform of maths.
Anwser:Mentaly affected teachers harrasing students
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Teacher : Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him
then what virtue would I be showing ?
Student : BROTHERLY LOVE
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Teacher :Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.
Student:A holiday
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Which is the pan in which we cannot fry something?......
Japan
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Teacher :Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher :Why?
Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!
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Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?"
Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."
Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:As old as I am.
Teacher:How is it possible?
Sunny:He became father only after I was born.
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Teacher:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then,what is
my age?
STUDENT:32 yrs.
Teacher:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.
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Student:(to teacher)Ma'am my pen has run out of ink.
Teacher:Go run after it.
Teacher:Ramu,get up.How can you sleep in my class?
Ramu:I can teacher,if you keep your voice down.
---------------------------------
Teacher: Where does God live?
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God,
are you still in there?'
---------------------------------
Teacher:"What is your name?".
Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:"When I ask aquestion in english,answer it in english."
Student:"My name is Sunlight."
*******************************************************************
SwapnaNair
15th November 2006, 04:27 PM
All these made for a nice read. Seems like there is a contest going on here as well as to who will post the maximum jokes. Good going Kumar and Ramgopal.
Ajeet
15th November 2006, 08:12 PM
I agree Swapna. Some of these are killers :) How about throwing in some jokes of your own Swapna?. Here are mine for today :D
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ek aadmi ki 6 ungliyan(6 fingers) hoti hain
sab log use Hanuman keh kar bulate hain
batao kyun???
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ans:kyounki uska nam hanuman hai!
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Whats the opposite of Real??
Its COCONUT
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jara
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kyon???
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opposite of real is Na-Real
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We will write a book an pjs and dedicate it to whom? our president
.why
scroll down for answer
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Because he is a.P.J.abdul kalam
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what is the vector form of sridevi?
(u must have studied vector algebra to know its answer)
ANS : - TABU!!!!
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. sridevi did chandni and tabu did chandni bar
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A dentist was examining a patient having a highly contageous deadly
disease
. As soon he opens the patients mouth the disease gets transferred to the doctor
how??
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Because the patient had a bluetooth!!
RamgopalIyer
16th November 2006, 03:53 PM
Ok guys heres a good one on Mba and Ca
A MBA and a CA go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fell asleep.
Some hours later, the CA wakes his MBA friend and says "look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
The MBA ponders for a minute.
He then starts, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
The CA is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".
Enjoy
Ramgopal
KumarJasapara
16th November 2006, 06:03 PM
This is fun ....
3 days to CAT and we start a PJ thread .... ;)
anyways, here's my contribution for the day ....
Why is a lazy dog like a hill?
Cos a lazy dog is a slow pup
Slow pup=slope up
Slope up=Hill
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Q1. RAM SITA HAI ... TO RAM KAUN HAI ??
Ans - . TAILOR ( darzi )
Q2. SITA RAM HAI TO SITA KAUN HAI
Ans - . Sita MEMORY hai (RAM: Random Access Memory)
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mickey and donald once had a fight.donald got angry and banged mickey`s head against the wall.so mickey started writin ramayana.know why??when mickey`s head was banged against the wall,he became wallmickey(valmiki).
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Here are a few T-Shirt messages:
Nobody is perfect, I'm nobody
I say no to gals but they never listen
Dont drink n drive.......u might spill ur drink..
Every1 wants to go 2 Heaven but nobody wants 2 die!!!!
Take my advice; I don't use it anyway.
Men control the world; Women control men
I was born intelligent, but education ruined me
For a person with big tummy:Im in shape..... round is a shape
I'm not half as thunk as you drink I am
statistics say 7 out of 4 people are bad at math.
of all d tings I've lost, I miss my mind d most!
I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out
If ur cute, then I'm single...
My mom says no messages on my T-shirt
"I Quit somking,drinking & Women" ....
In fine prints below. "Those were the worst 15 mins of my life"
Yours future depends on your dream so go to sleep
who says nothing is impossible? I have done nothing all my life!
let us work as a team nd do it my way!!!
When I read about the hazards of drinking...
.... I quit....reading.
you can either agree with me or be wrong!
(Front):-
How to keep a FOOL busy look behind...
(Behind):-
How to keep a FOOL busy look in front...!!!
NEVER JUDGE A GUY FROM HIS T SHIRT.
My dad is an 'ATM' ....
You can add some of your own ....
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Regards,
Kumar.:cool:
RamgopalIyer
17th November 2006, 10:29 AM
Ok guys here are my pjs for the day,
Bill Gates had announced that Microsoft plans to release a windows version in Hindi.
Here are some Windows related terms that are to be used in the Hindi version of ........
Khidkiyan'DoHazar ( Windows 2000 ):
1.Phaail = File
2.Bachao = Save
3.Aise Bachao = Save as
4.Subko Bachao = Save All
5.Mujhe Bachao = Help
6.Dhoondo = Find
7.Firse Dhoondo = Find Again
8.Hilao = Move
9.Dak =Mail
10.Dakiya = Mailer
11.Paas se dhekho = Zoom
12.Door se dhekho = Zoom Out
13.Kholo = Open
14.Bandh Karo = Close
15.Naya = New
16.Purana/Khatara = Old
17.Badli Karo = Replace
18.Bhaago = Run ;
19.Chaapo = Print
20.Dekh Ke Chaapo = Print Preview
21.Nakal Utaaro/Kaapi =Copy
22.Kaato = Cut
23.Chipkao = Paste
24.Payshal Chipkao = Paste Special
25.Goli Maaro = Delete
26.Nazaara = View
27.Hatyaar = Tools
28.Hatyaar Khamba = Toolbar
29.Khuli Chaadar = Spreadsheet
30.Kalti Maaro = Exit
31.Ped = Tree
32.Thooso = Compress
33.Chooha = mouse
34.Tik Karo = Click
35.Tik-Tik Karo = Double Click
36.Idhar-se-Udhar - Forward
37.khamba= Scrollbar
Additional Softwares
1.MICROSOFT WINDOWS 2000 -
ATISUKSHMA MULAYAM (microsoft)
KHIDKIYAAN (windows)
AVRUTTI (version)
DOHAZAR (2000)
2. Double Click with the left mouse button Chuhe ke baye kaan ko zatpat do
baar marodkar 'tadak-tadak'=(clik-click)kariye
3. GPF(GENERAL PROTECTION FAULT) - Sarvasaadharan Suraksha Mein Gadbad
4. 'This progr am has performed an illegal operation - "Abort,Retry or
Ignore" ? "Is karyakram ne gairkanooni kaam kiya hai -zatak se bandkaro
(abort),Koshish karte raho/Hum onge Kamyaab (retry),
Goli Maro (Ignore)"
5. MICROSOFT POWERPOINT - "AtiSukshma Mulayam ShaktiBindu"
6. MICROSOFT WORD 6 - "AtiSukshma Mulayam Shabda Cheh"
7. MICROSOFT ACCESS - "AtiSukshma Mulayam PRAVESH KI SAMMATI"
8. FOXPRO - "Lombdigiri (Lomiree) mein Maahir"
9. MICROSOFT VISUAL C++ - "AtiSukshma Mulayam Nazaaraa C adhik hi adhik"
10. OFFICE 2000 - "Karyalaya 2000 mein"
11. Internet Explorer - "Taaron ke Jaal ka Sanshodhak"
12. Lotus Notes - " Kamal ke Ruppeye"
13. ACCESS DENIED - " Ghusne ki Agya nahi "
enjoy,
ramgopal
sweetniru
17th November 2006, 03:49 PM
:) Laloo snt his BioData 2 apply 4 a post in Microsoft USA. Few days l8r he got this reply:
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements.
Please do not send any further correspondence.
No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks
Bill Gates
Laloo prasad jumped wid joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a press conference-
"Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai."
Every1 was delighted. He continued "Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa ? par letter angreeze main hai isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhi karunga."
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad -Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet -aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement -humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance -ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee
No phone call -phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained -bahut khaatir kee jayegi
Thanks -aapkaa bahut dhanyavad
Bill Gates -Tohar Bilva
:confused:
:) Once 5 CHIPKALIs (house lizards) : Phulwa,
RaamPyaari, RaamDulari ,RaamPuri and RaamChuri were
crawling on the wall when all of a sudden, Phulwa
started to sing a song. The moment Phulwa stopped
singing the song, RaamPyaari , RaamDulari, RaamPuri
and RaamChuri fell down from the wall !!!... WHY
???
coz, they all started clapping !!!!
Gabber and Sambha
Gabber: Kitne Aadmi they.
Sambha: Sardar Do,
Gabber: Mujhe ginti nahi aati. Do kitne hotey hain?
Sambha: Sardar Do Ek ke baad aata hai.
Gabber : Aur Do ke pehle?
Sambha: Do ke pehle Ek aata hai.
Gabber: To beech mein kaun aata hai?
Sambha: Beech mein koi nahi aata.
Gabber: To fir Dono ek saath kyon nahi atey?
Sambha: Do Ek ke baad hi aa sakta hai, kyonki Do ek se bada hai.
Gabber: Do ek se bada hai? Kitna bada hai?
Sambha Do ek se Ek bada hai?
Gabber: Agar Do ek se ek bada hai to ek ek se kitna bada hai?
Sambha: Sardar, Maine tumhara namak khaya hai, mujhe goli mar do.
Indian Nursery Rhymes
Indian nursery rhymes
Indian nursery rhymes
Laloo Bhai bihari
Went up the pahari
To fetch a bail for court order
Laloo fell down
And lost his crown
But Rabri reigned thereafter.
________________________________
Laxman laxman
Yes pappa
eating money
no pappa
telling lies
no pappa
open yr drawer
ha ha ha
________________________________
samata party is falling down
falling down
falling down
samata party is falling down
falling down
falling down
my fair jaitley (jaya)
________________________________
Wha Wha Black Sheep
Have you pulled the wool?
Yes sir, Yes sir,
Three bags full.
One for my father,
One for my dame,
And one for the CBI
Crying in the lane.
__________________________________
Little Miss Bharti,
Did a Maha-arti,
So the BJP would always hold sway.
There came a big BSP With Mayavati its USP.
And frightened Miss Bharti away.
________________________________
Little Lal Advani
Sat with his TV vahini
Taking his party's rai
He stuck out hist humb,
hoping to pull out the plum,
And said, 'Can I have a slice of Vaj-pie?'
____________________________________
Batsman-bowler sat on the ball.
Batsman-bowler had a great fall,
All the bookies' cookies,
All the bribers' men,
Couldn't put Indian cricket together again.
____________________________________
Bankers and ministers
Sold for a penny
All the swindlers are so many
The envy's green
And the CBI red's
Nail them all, and get
their head, head, head. - Posted by Maulik Vyaas
A Professor at one of the IIM's was explaining marketing
concepts to the Students:-
1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing
2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous
girl.One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich, Marry him." - That's Advertising
3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her
telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me." - That's Telemarketing
4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say:"By the way, I'm rich. Will you marry me?" - That's Public Relations
5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and
says: "You are very rich! Can you marry! me?" - That's Brand Recognition
6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - That's Customer Feedback
7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - That's demand and supply gap
8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him - That's competition eating into your market share
9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - That's restriction
sweetniru
17th November 2006, 05:04 PM
Ram's Letter to Sita when she was Kidnapped by Ravana (In Punjabi)
Pyari SITA,
Main itthe raji khushi se han and hope ke tu v theek thaak hovengi,
Laxman tannu bahut yaad karda si.
Main is Bandar de hath tannu chitthi bhej reha haan,
Tu bilkul tension na layi main bahut jaldi tenu ravan kolochura lavanga.
Main AIRTEL da postpaid le liya si, RAVAN nu main mobile te bhot GAALIYAAN kadiya te SAALE ne katt ditta,
Chal koi ni maine aana ta hai hi. Taan KUTUNGA saale KANJAR nu.
Main tere naal bhi ek AIRTEL ka prepaid bhej riya si usme 1500 SMS free wali scheme ha, Tu roz mere ko SMS kari.
Chinta na kari, jab bhi gal karne ko ji kare, ek miss call mar diyo. Main yaha se tenu baat kar levenga.
Tu Mere bill di chinta na kariyo, Sugreev nu payment da jimma de ditta si.
Accha OK
See Uuuu.
With Luv
Dashrath da Vadda Puttar "RAM";)
Ajeet
17th November 2006, 09:12 PM
Sweet Niru. All of these were excellent. I especially loved the Indian Nursery Rhymes.
SwapnaNair
17th November 2006, 09:55 PM
Nice ones...all of these. Great stress busters specially before CAT!!! Keep 'em cumin.
RamgopalIyer
18th November 2006, 10:26 AM
ok here are some good letters to refresh your brains
This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in
various places of India.
1. A student's leave letter:
"As I am suffering from my uncle's marriage I cannot attend the class...."
2. A candidate's application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a 'typistAnd an
accountant - Male or Female'...
As I am both for the pastSeveral years and I can handle both; I am applying
for the post."
3. I.T.I., Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife.Please
sanction me one-week leave.
4. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clocks and I maynot
return, please grant me half day casual leave"
5. A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request
you to leave me today"
6. An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."
7. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."
8. A covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."
9. From H.A.L. Administration dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am responsible for it,Please grant
me 10 days leave."
10. Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I
may be granted leave."
11. Letter writing:
"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."
12. Another gem from I.T.I. Leave-letter from an employee who wasperforming
his daughter's wedding:
"As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave..."
enjoy and best of luck
Ramgopal
RamgopalIyer
20th November 2006, 06:51 PM
>
> Stupid Questions
>
> 1. At the movies: When you meet
> acquaintances/friends...
> Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
> Answer:- Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over
> here..
>
> 2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed
> high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...
> Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?
> Answer:- No, not at all, I'm on local
> anesthesia..... why don't you try again.
>
> 3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask...
> Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.
> Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?
>
> 4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
> Stupid Question:- Is the "Butter Paneer Masala" dish
> good??
> Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated
> cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.
>
> 5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt
> meets you after years...
> Stupid Question:- Munna,Chickoo, you've become so
> big.
> Answer:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk
> yourself.
>
> 6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you
> ask...
> Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good?
> Answer:- No, he's a miserable wife-beating ,
> insensitive lout...it's just the money.
>
> 7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone
> call...
> Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?
> Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the
> Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I
> was sleeping.... you dumb witted moron.
>
> 8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently
> shorter hair...
> Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?
> Answer:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding......
>
> 9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects
> in your mouth...
> Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?
> Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.
>
> 10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman
> asks...
> Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke.
> Answer:- Gosh, it's a miracle ............it was a
> piece of chalk and now it's in flames!!!
>
enjoy
ramgopal
KumarJasapara
21st November 2006, 02:20 PM
Hi People ... I'm back ......
CAT was bad ......... :(
Anyways,
Once Aishwariya Rai was having coke under a tree, there were 2 ants over the tree, one son and one dad...the son ant fell into aishwariya's coke...what did the dad ant tell Aish that she fainted ???
mera beta aapke{ki} coke mein hai..........
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ek bar Mahatma Gandhi, Pandit Nehru, Vallabhai Patel inko checking ke liye metal detector se jana padata hai !!
Mahatma gandhi aapna chashma utar dete hai aur jate hai to metal detector nahi bajata !
Pandit Nehru aapni ghadi, pen utar dete hai aur jate hai to metal detector nahi bajata !
Magar jab Vallabhai Patel aapne passki sari mettalic chije utar ke jate hai to bhi metal detector bajata hai !!!!!!
Why ??????
think.............
why ????????????
Because........
Vallabhai Patel LOHAPURUSH the.
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A donkey kicked sardar & ran away
sardar ran to catch the donkey. He saw a zebra & started beating it &
said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai'.
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SWOT Analysis by Santa:
1.Strength:My wife,Jeeto.
2.Weakness:Banta's wife,Preeto.
3.Oppurtunity:When Banta is on tour.
4.Threat:When I am on tour
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Tortoise and rabbit gave CET exam and tortoise got 80% and rabbit got 81%.
Both wanted admission in a good engineering college, cut off was 85%.
Rabbit dint get but tortoise got
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Ans: Remember tortoise had won the race when you were in first standard..
So.. Sports Quota!!!!
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Ek baar mumbai mei.........ajjeb sii bimaaari faiil jaati hai!!!!
> sab cheez(things) baat karna chalu kardeti hai...........
> be it car,scooter.....computer..table...kursiii evry thing!!!!!
> Police vijay ke peeche padi hoti hai.........
> wo police se bachta hua........jagah jagah maara maara fir raha hota
> hai.........
>
> ek dum se wo restuarent me jaakar chchip jaata hai!!!!
> tabhi uske peeche police bhi restuarent mei aaa jaati hai!!!!
> Vijay police se bachkar TOILET mmei jaakar chhip jaata hai.....!!!!
> INSPECTOR RAJESH jagah jagah usse dhundhta hai....usse pyaas lagti
> haii...........jahan paani hota hai wahan per kuch glaas rakhe hote
> hain...kuch used kuch unused!!
> RAJESH ek used glass se poochta hai YAHAN KOI AAYA THA!!!
> Glass bolta hai nahi..!!!!!!!
> PER VIJAY TO WAHAN AAYA THA......!!!
> to glass ne mana kyu kiyaaaa!!!!!
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All ants were bathing in a pool...
Just then an eleplant comes and jumps in the pool..
All ants get out of water...
One ant climbs at the back of the elephant.. and all other ants started
shouting at the ant ...
Now the question is what do they tell to the ant???
Socho socho...
Socho socho.....
all ants start saying....
"DUBA DUBA, DUBA DE SALE KO...."
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world smallest resignation letter..
dear sir,
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i love ur wife......
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Regards,
Kumar:cool:
KumarJasapara
21st November 2006, 02:39 PM
Below are a few more, just to get out the CAT blues ...
Kyun chalti hain pawan,
Because of evaporation .
Kyun jhoome hain gagan,
Because of earth's rotation.
Kyun machalta hain mann,
Because of disorder in digestion.
Na Tum Jano Na Hum!!!
Kyun gum hain har disha,
Because u have poor sense of direction.
Kyun hota hain nasha,
Because of drug addiction.
Kyun aata hain mazaa,
Because u enjoy the situation.
Na Tum Jano Na Hum!!!
Kyun aati hain bahar,
Because of change in season.
Kyun lotta hain karar,
Because of taking tension.
Kyun hota hain pyaar,
Because of opposite attraction.
Na Tum Jano Na Hum!!!
HENCE..THE BOTTOM LINE IS..SCIENCE HAS ALL THE SOLUTIONS
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what is plural of SHAH RUKH KHAN???
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soccho
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Ans - ICICI Bank
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bcos-
SHAH RUKH KHAN - Main hoon na
n
ICICI Bank - Hum hain na
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wat is the opposite of jogeshwari??
?
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jogesh-dont worry
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wat is the opposite of akshay kumar??
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ans: Akshay ko mat mar.....
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what is the opposite of GOPALA>.....??
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COME-PALA....
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Regards,
Kumar.:cool:
RamgopalIyer
21st November 2006, 06:49 PM
Good ones kumar especially the sharukh one
here is a nasty one
A Husband makes a Call to Hospital to enquire about his pregnant wife.
But accidently the call went to a cricket stadium.
He asked what is the condition.
He died after what he heard.
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Guess What would be the reply ....
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It is ...
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7 are already out.
3 More will be out hopefully by lunch.
and .................................
The first one was a DUCK.
enjoy
RamgopalIyer
22nd November 2006, 10:56 PM
Read 'n Njoy
A local newspaper ran a competition asking for a rhyme with the most
romantic first line... but the least romantic second line. Here are
some of the entries they received.
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar
bowl's empty and so is your head.
Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not
I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way
My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell"
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime
miral
26th November 2006, 11:49 AM
Ramu those were great ones,,,,
Lets c how u guys like it....
hey read this one
two friends jo n so
Once upon a time, there were two friends 'JO' and 'SO'.both of them
were dudes.
One day they decided to go to a jungle.
while going through jungle, A HUGE SNAKE COMES IN FRONT OF THEM!!
JO gets frightened , but SO dies!!
WHY??
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A: JO darr gaya..SO marr gaya
Then JO goes to a town.There he meets WO.
Being a Sceptic person JO and WO becoms RIVALS.
one day both of them decided to fight.
whoever wins will get the property of other..
FIGHT STARTS....
JO being a good warrior WINS! But to everyones surprise WO IS ELECTED
AS THE
KING!!!!!!!
WHY???
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A:JO jeeta...WO hi Sikandar!
Now a simple question..
"WHO IS JO?"
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:confused:
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:confused:
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:confused:
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A:"KAMBAKHT ISHQ" (remember 'KAMBAKHT ISHQ hai JO..')
:cool:
miral
26th November 2006, 12:00 PM
Amitabh : Apka 13th question 25 lakh ke leye yeh raha apke samne..
Contestant Santa Singh is tensed.
Amitabh : Who is the father of Abhishek Bacchan
ON Computer Screen:
A. Amitabh Bacchan
B. Laloo Prasad Yadav
C. Azaruddin
D. General Perverz Musharaff .
Amitabh : Apka kya jawab hai ? ( He is quite sure that Santa will opt
for A)
But Santa is still confused.
Amitabh : Apke pas do life line hai..50:50 and phone a friend.
Santa: I think it is A, but am not sure.
Amitabh : Not sure... Hmmm ap kya karna chahenge?
Santa : I would like to use 50:50?
Amitabh: Ok computer , 2 galat javabo ko mita de..
Computer after deleting two names, leaves two options which are: -
B. Laloo Prasad Yadav.
C. Moh. Azharuddin.
Amitabh is confused and tensed thinks how come the computer has made
this mistake But as is said in bollywood the show must go on.
Now Santa is confused.
Santa: I would like to use the last life line phone a friend..
Amitabh : Ap kisko phone karna chahenge?
Santa : "Mein Jaya Bachan ji ko phone karna chahoonga...."
Amitabh Fainted !!!!!
And the call is now connected to Jayabachan and listen ......
Santa asked the question to Jaya.
Santa : " Jayaji , Who is the father of Abhishek Bacchan ?
Jaya Bachan: Give me the options!!!!!!:D :D :D
miral
26th November 2006, 12:13 PM
A Patel walks into a bank in New York City and asks
for the loan officer.
He says he is going to Europe on business for two
weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of
security for such a loan, so the man hands over the keys of a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank.
Everything checks out,and the bank agrees to accept the car as
collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's
underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the man returns, repays the $5,000
and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had
your business, and this transaction has
worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
While you were away, we checked your bank a/c and
found that you are a multimillionaire.
What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow
$5,000?"
The Patel replied, "Where else in NewYork can I park
my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?
:D
miral
26th November 2006, 01:39 PM
Ek baar ek hathi (male) aur ek machhar (female) mein pyaar ho jata hai.
Dono ka affair bahut dino tak chalta hai. Sab log bate karne lagte hain.
Akhir sharmakar, machhar hathi se bolti hain ki abhi apun dono ko
shaadi kar leni chahiye...duniya wale bahut bate karne lage hain...
mera jeena mushkil ho gaya hain. Abhi dono ko bhagkar shaadi karni hai...
isliye dono Marriage Registrar ke yahan application dete hain aur ek mahine
baad registered marriage karte hain................
Abhi dono honeymoon ka plan karte hain...
Dono Kerala jate hai (with Kesari Tours)...
Honeymoon hone ke baad jab dusre din subah hathi ki aakh khulti hain to dektha hain ki bechari machhar mar gayi hain...
yes...she is dead...;-)
Now the question for you is "Kyon?"
Guess...
Come on Guess...
Come On......
scroll down
Last Chance.....
scroll down
Ok one more chance
Fast....
Faster....
Chal yaar give up...
Because, hathi raat ko "Good Night" laga ke sota hain
What were u thinkin????
miral
26th November 2006, 01:59 PM
why is a lazy dog like a hill?
Cos a lazy dog is a slow pup
Slow pup=slope up
Slope up=Hill
_________________________________________________________________
mickey and donald once had a fight.donald got angry and banged mickey`s head against the wall.so mickey started writin ramayana.know why??when mickey`s head was banged against the wall,
he became wallmickey(valmiki).
_________________________________________________________________
IF YA WANNA HAVE 'PRIYA GOLD' BISCUITS... WHOM WILL U ASK FOR IT??????????
ANS:INZAMAM UL HUQ!!!!
ANY GUESSES WHY???
COZ IT SAYS "HUQ SE MANGO"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
miral
26th November 2006, 02:14 PM
New Fact: Agar tum 90 baar paap karoge to 45 baar pakde jaoge.......
Guess Why....????????
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bcoz sin 90= cot 45!!!!!!!!
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There was a gang of 4 guys...they used to roam around in a town during night and bash up any innocent guy they meet...they used to beat him until he was unconcious. The moment tha guy went unconcious, they used to take out a bell n ring it once and went.
Question: what were they doing???
Dont think hard
They were simply doing Marketing(Maar ke ting)
miral
26th November 2006, 02:55 PM
A boy called ram went to his college canteen to have lunch.....there he took a paav....to his surprise he found that below the paav was written 'jannat'.....so the ques is....whats the name of his professor????
socho socho
soch nahi sakte to scroll down
his prof's name is 'ishq ki chaav'
coz....jinke SIR ho ishq ki chaav,paav ke neeche jannat hogi
Ajeet
26th November 2006, 06:30 PM
:D :D Too too funny people :D :D
KumarJasapara
7th December 2006, 05:40 PM
Hello everyone,
I'm back .... sorry for the delayed arrival .... was busy ....
Looks like the forums have gone dry after CAT.
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Anyways, let's start again ....
You'll forget English by the time you finish reading this. This is a true essay written by a Bihari candidate at the UPSC (IAS) Examinations.
The candidate has written an essay on the Indian cow:
Indian Cow
HE IS THE COW. "The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed, And because he is female, he give milks, [but will do so when he is got child]. He is same like God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilized for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. [Horses don't have any such attachment]
What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, waterman's and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species, Also his other motion.. gober is much useful to trees, plants as well as for making flat cakes [like Pizza], in hand and drying in the sun
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Question: One fine morning, Ravan felt guilty day for all his bad deeds. He felt that he should go an apologise to Ram for all the problems he had caused. So he went to Ram's house and knocked on the door.
Ram opened the door and was surprised to find Ravan standing there.
Ravan just kept staring and thinking but didn't say a word. What was
he thinking?
Ans: "Kis mooh se maafi maangoon?"
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Question: An elephant was in love with a she-elephant. But the
she-elephant went and got married to some other elephant. So
our elephant! was very depressed. One of his friends felt sorry for
him, and took him to a park to cheer him up. In the park, they sat on a
see-saw, but the see-saw broke. Now, which song would our hero sing?
Ans: "See-saw ho ya dil ho, aakhir toot jaata hai."
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Question: How do you "cut" roads?
Ans: By laughing... because "Haste haste cut jaye raaste".
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Question: Luv and Kush are going to a village and pass by a
well. Luv falls into the well. Why?
Ans: Because Luv is blind.
Question: Now, Kush also jumps in. Why?
Ans: Because Luv ke liye saala Kush bhi karega!
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Question: What do you call a person who is leaving India?
Ans: Hindustan Lever.
Question: What do you call a person who leaves India, but
doesn't travel much?
Ans: Hindustan Lever Limited.
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Question: Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banat a tha. Uska naam kya
tha?
Ans: Adidas.
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Question: Who is Joe?
Ans: Kambakth ishq... Because "Kambakth ishq hai Joe!"
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Question: The Madrasi said, I want to see the movie " heart is
an umbrella'. Which movie did he really want to see?
Ans: Dil Chhaata Hai.
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Email id of cricketers.....
1.LAXMAN:
available@home-only.com
2.GANGULY:
nowdays@no_use.com
3.KUMBLE:
only@test_match.com
4.SACHIN:
admitted@hospital.com
5.KAIF:
good@for_nothing.com
6.SEHWAG
consistently@out_of_form.com
7.DRAVID:
stick@crease_like_fevicol.com
8.PATHAN:
takewickets@only_with_keyna.com
9. GREG CHAPPELL
only_experiment@noresult.com
10. Munaf Patel
only_line&length@nospeed.com
11.Harbhajan Singh
no_spinpitch@nowicket.com
12. Suresh Raina
why_i_am_there@god_knows.com
CHEERS
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These puzzles are called Lateral thinking.... Scroll down slowly and be
honest to yourself its interesting.
man
1. ------------
board
Ans. = man overboard
stand
2. ------------
i
Ans. = I understand
OK?.... Got the idea? Let's try a few now and see how you fair?
3. /r/e/a/d/i/n/g/
Ans. = reading between the lines
4. r
road
a
d
Ans. = cross road
5. cycle
cycle
cycle
Ans. = tricycle
0
6. ------------
M.D.
Ph.D.
Ans. = two degrees below zero
knee
7. ------------
light
Ans. = neon light (knee-on-light)
ground
8. ---------------
feet feet feet feet feet feet
Ans. = six feet underground
9. he's / himself
Ans. = he's by himself
10. ecnalg
Ans. = backward glance
11. THINK
Ans. think big !!
And the last one is real fundoo............
12. ababaaabbbbaaaabbbbababaabbaaabbbb....
Ans. long time no 'C' (see)
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Santa ek ladki ko "I Love you" bolta hai aur gir jata hai.
Ladki: Arrey. Ye kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: I am falling in Love !
-----------------------------------------------------------
PJ ki maa hain yeh yeh PJ:
Ajit ke success ka raaz:
Journalists at Don Ajit's house taking his interview.. they enquired him abt his "success ka raaz" ..
He calls robert.. " Robert bring me a Baaz (a bird : just incase u guys dont know!! )" .. robert immediately brings the baaz..
Ajit asks Mona to give the baaz a bath .. Mona carries out his order.. he asks mona to put the baaz on his hand.. he pours water on the baaz, takes out his gun and shoots the baaz.. and says" yeh hai meri success ka raaz"...
All the journalists are lost.. how come this is your success ka raaz...
Scroll down ...
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In comes the reply" Main Dhoke-Baaz ko maar deta hoon ..
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Teacher: 'A' for?
Student: Apple !!!
Teacher: Jor se bolo
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Student: JAI MATA DI
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Regards,
Kumar:cool:
RamgopalIyer
7th December 2006, 07:54 PM
Hey kumar I am back too!
here are mines for the day
Teacher : Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much
would
your father still have?
Ted : $10.
Teacher : You don't know maths.
Ted : You don't know my father!
----->
Mother : David, come here.
David : Yes, mum?
Mother : You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David : But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother : I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am
scolding
you now.
------>
Father : Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son : On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father : So?
Son : On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8.
Son : If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?
--->
A mother and daughter were doing dishes while the father and son were
watching TV in the living room.
Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates, then complete
silence.
The son turned to look at his father.
Son : It's mummy!
Father : How do you know?
Son : She didn't say anything.
----->
Old lady : Doctor, I've got a pain in my left leg.
Doctor (after examining her) : It's caused by old age.
Old lady : Nonsense. My right leg is all right and it's as old as the
left
leg.
====================================================
Once Banta Singh attended an Interview.
Interviewer : Give me the opposite words.
Banta Singh : Ok
Interviewer : Made in India
Banta Singh : Destroyed in Pakistan
Interviewer : Good... Keep it Up
Banta Singh : Bad.... Put it Down
Interviewer : Maxi Mum
Banta Singh : Mini Dad
Interviewer : Enough! Take your Seat
Banta Singh : Insufficient! Don't take my seat
Interviewer : Idiot! Take your seat
Banta Singh : Clever! Don't take my seat
Interviewer : I say you get out!
Banta Singh : You didn't say I come in
Interviewer : I reject you!
Banta Singh : You appoint me
Interviewer : ....!!!!!!!
================================================
ok now solve this puzzle
IT'S A 7 LETTER WORD....
IF WE REMOVE 1 LETTER FROM IT, IT REMAINS SAME.
IF WE REMOVE 2 LETTERS FROM IT, IT REMAINS SAME.
IF WE REMOVE 3 LETTERS FROM IT, IT REMAINS SAME.
IF WE REMOVE 4 LETTERS FROM IT, IT REMAINS SAME.
IF WE REMOVE 5 LETTERS FROM IT, IT REMAINS SAME.
IF WE REMOVE 6 LETTERS FROM IT, IT REMAINS SAME.
EVEN IF WE REMOVE ALL THE LETTERS FROM IT, STILL IT REMAINS
SAME.
WHATZ IT ?
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POSTBOX (he he he ...)
KumarJasapara
8th December 2006, 08:36 PM
Hello Mr. RamGopal,
Shaayad hum dono ke bina yeh forum suna suna ho gaya tha .... ;)
Even Ajeet Sir has stopped the posting of PJs ....
Anyways, here's my quota for the day ....
Ek baar ek gaaaoun mei Shyam naam ka aadmi rehta hai..... jo baad mei shaher chala jaata hai....................
jab wo sheher se waapas aata hai to wo bahut rich ho jaata hai jisse wo gaaoun mei aaalishaaan ghar banata hai.....
ek raat ko uske ghar chor aate hain.....
but
jaisii hii wo chori karna start karte hain... almaari kholte hiii bahut saarii name plates unke siiir pe aaker gir jaati hain............
saaari almaariyo mei,TIJORI mei....bedroom mei.... sab jagah unhe name plates miltiii hain.....................
bataiye kyu.....................
kyu
aakhir kyu.
kyuki
Wo shaher se bahut naam kama ke laata hai.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Once upon a time... In a village, there came a lion & started troubling
villagers. Being frustrated because of the lion, people decide to take some
action. They decide that after 6:00 'O'clock in the evening everybody will
return home and lock the doors from inside. The trick works, lion comes
and finds nothing.
Second day also it comes and sees the same thing everywhere! It happens
for two-three nights.
Then finally one day, the frustrated lion comes and lock all the doors
from outside and goes back into the forest.
Now suggest some good title for the story!
Reminder: You are asked to suggest the title of the story and not the
moral.....
scroll down for the answer...................
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Sher-Lock Homes!!!
WHAT THAT LION WILL BE CALLED, IF HE SITS ON THE ROCK????????
SOCHO.
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AUR SOCHO.
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OK.
HERE IS DA ANSWER.
'SHER-ON-STONE'
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sony TV pe woh kaun sa serial aata tha jo pehle paas bulata hai aur baad me hakaal deta hai????
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ANSWER- AAHAT (AA-HAT!!)
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Question: Jackie Chan ki saas ka naam kya hai?........... ........Socho,
>socho. Nahi pata?
>
>Ans: D'Cold; Because... Chan ki saans - D'Cold
>
>Question: Chalo ab batao, Jackie Chan ki bahu ka naam kya hai?
>...........
>
>............ This one's really simple...
>
>Ans: D'Cold again... Kyunki saans bhi kabhi bahu thi :-)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
hritik:- Aaj mere pas bunglow hai,gadi hai,wife hai, paisa hai, shan shaukat hai tere pas kya hai.
abhishek bacchan:- mere bap ke sir pe baal hai..
lolz... bahut bakwas tha na???
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wat will happen to gulshan groVer if he travelled at speed of light?????????????????
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~think guys~~
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~gave up
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ANS:- he will become gulshan groCer coz at speed of light V=C...hahaha...llllloooooollllllll
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Regards,
Kumar.:cool:
Ajeet
9th December 2006, 06:23 AM
Even Ajeet Sir has stopped the posting of PJs ....
You guys are so good that it is tough to keep up. But, I sure am reading. So, keep it coming. And once in a while do consider posting MBA and entrance exam related stuff too :)
RamgopalIyer
10th December 2006, 10:23 AM
HI GUYS,
today I have an interesting story called Dilli ki kahani.
read it and enjoy.
Dilli Ki Kahani
Ek din, mein dilli pahuncha, Station pe ek coolie se bahar jane ka rasta pooncha, Coolie ne kaha bahar jaake poocho. Maine khud hi rasta doondh liya, Bahar jaake taxiwale se pooncha, "bhai saab Aagre ka kitna loge?" Jawab mila, "bechna nahi hai.." Taxi chhod, maine bus pakad li, conductor se pooncha, "ji.. kya mein cigarette pi sakta hoon?" Wo gurrra kar bola, "hargiz nahi, yaha cigarette pina mana hai" Maine kaha, "par wo janab to pi rahe hai!"
Phir se gurrrraya, "usne mujhse pooncha nahi hai" Aagre pahucha, hotel gaya. Manager se kaha, "mujhe room chahiye, satve manzil pe" Manager ne kaha, "rahane ke liye ya koodne ke liye?" Room pahucha, waiter se kaha, "ek paani ka gilas milega."
Usne jawab diya, "nahi sahab, yaha to saare kanch ke milte hai." Hotel se nikla dost ke ghar jaane ke liye, Raste me ek sahab se pooncha, "janab, ye sadak kaha ko jaati hai?" Janab hans kar bole, "peechle bees saal se dekh rahan hoon, yahi padi hai...."
Dost ke ghar pahucha, to mujhe dekhte hi chownk pada Usne poocha, "dilli kaise aana hua?" Ab tak to mujhe bhi aadat pad gayi thi, to maine bhi jawab diya,"Train se.." Meri aaobhagat karne ke liye dost ne apni biwi se kaha,"areeee sunti ho... mera dost pehli baar ghar aaya hai, uuse kuch taja taja khilao.." Sunte hi bhabhiji ne ghar ki sari khidkiya aur darwaje khol diye. Kaha, "taji hawa kha lijiye." Dost ne phir se badi pyar se biwi se kaha, "areeee sunti ho...inhe jara apna chalis saal purana aachar to dikhana." Bhabiji ek batli me rakha aachar le aayi, Maine bhi apnapan dikhate hue bhabiji se kaha, "bhabhiji, aachar sirf dikhayengi, chakhayengi nahi....?" Bhabiji ne taak jawab diya, "yuhi agar sab ko chakhati to aachar chalis saal purana kaise hota..?" Thodi der baad dekha, bhabiji apne pote ko soola rahi thi, Saath me lori bhi ga rahi thi, "diploma so ja, diploma so ja." Lori soon mein hairan hua aur dost se poocha, "yaar ye diploma kya hai?" Dost ne jawab diya, "mere pote ka naam, Beti bambai gayi thi, diploma lene ke liye aur saath mein ise le aayi, isiliye hamne iska naam diploma rakh diya." Phir maine pooncha, "aajkal tumhari beti kya kar rahi hai?" Dost ne jawab diya, "bambai gayi hai, degree lene ke liye...."
LajjaPatel
10th December 2006, 10:40 AM
hi praveen
thnx 4 posting cool PJ's.i think our PJ our here is quite inspired by u.
-lajja;)
LajjaPatel
10th December 2006, 10:41 AM
hi
every1
ALL THE BEST 4 NMAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
JUST ROCK IT!:)
N COME BACK WITH:p
-LAJJA
LajjaPatel
10th December 2006, 11:58 AM
hi
ramu
cool story.....
keep postin more such stuff
-Lajja:)
LajjaPatel
11th December 2006, 01:46 PM
There were 4 guys John, Franky, Manav and Adam, who found a small
bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. Thankful that
they
had released him , the genie said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming
pools,
I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump,
you shout what you want the pool of water to become, and then your wish
will come true."
John ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted "Wine". The pool
immediately changed into a pool of wine.
John was ecstatic.
Next came Franky. He did the same and shouted, "Vodka" and immersed
himself into a pool of vodka.
Manav jumped and shouted, "Beer".
The last of them was Adam. He was running towards the pool when
suddenly he stepped on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and
shouted,
"****!!!!!!!........."
Mind your language...
You never know what it will land you in...
:confused:
LajjaPatel
11th December 2006, 01:51 PM
Bush..... in India
While visiting India , George Bush is invited to tea with Indian
President Abdul Kalam.
He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is. He says that, it is to
surround himself with intelligent people.
Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Kalam.
"Allow me to demonstrate."
Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says, "Mr. Prime
Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child, and
your father
has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
Manmohan immediately responds, "It's me, Sir!"
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Kalam. He hangs up and
says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?" Bush nods: "Yes Mr. President.
Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!" Bush, upon returning to
Washington ,
decides he'd better put the Condo leeza Rice to the test. Bush summons
her to the White House and says, "Condoleeza, I wonder if you can
answer a
question for me."
"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"
Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father
has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is
it?"
Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back
to you?" Bush agrees, and Rice leaves. Rice immediately calls a meeting
of
senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours,
but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Rice
calls
Colin Powell and explains the problem.
"Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and
this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."
Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush,
and exclaims, "I know the ! answer, sir! I know who it is! It's our
Colin
Powell!"
And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, it's Manmohan Singh!" :p
RamgopalIyer
11th December 2006, 07:46 PM
Thank u Lajja
today I hav some cool shayari for u all.Enjoy
> > >The night is dark, the moon is high,
> > >I stop my car, u ask why?
> > >I come close to u, u feel shy,
> > >I tell u those three magical words....
> > >Aye la, tyre Puncture!!!
> > >
> > >
> > >Tumsa koi dusara jameen par hua
> > >to rab se sikayat hogi....
> > >Ek to jhella nahi jata
> > >dusra aa gaya to kya halat hogi!!!
> > >
> > >
> > >koi pathar se na maare mere dewaane ko........
> > >koi pathar se na maare mere dewaane ko........
> > >koi pathar se na maare mere dewaane ko........
> > >abe aage bhi to bol...............
> > >neuclear power ka jamaana hai, bomb
> > >se udaa do saale ko...................
> > >
> > >
> > >tuhaar chehraa moti samaan ..
> > >tuhaar chehraa moti s
> > >moti hamaar kutte ka naam!!
> > >tere dar pe sanam hazar baar aayenge,
> > >tere dar pe sanam hazar baar aayenge.....
> > >ghanti bajayenge aur bhaag jayenge
> > > !!
> > >
> > >
> > >He: Janeman, is dil mein chali aao
> > >She: Sandal nikaloon kya!
> > >He: Pagli, ye mandir nahi hai, aise
> > >hi aajao...
KumarJasapara
12th December 2006, 06:01 PM
Hi Everyone,
Sadakchhap Shayari main hum bhi kisise kam nahi:
Daali daali maine jis daali pe nazar daali
Daali daali maine jis daali pe nazar daali....
Woh daali maali ne kaat daali.:D
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Dabbe pe dabba, dabbe pe dabba .... wah wah .....
Dabbe pe dabba, dabbe pe dabba ....
Dabbe pe dabba, dabbe pe dabba ....
Dabbe pe dabba, dabbe pe dabba ....
Dabbe pe dabba, dabbe pe dabba ....
Dabbe pe dabba, dabbe pe dabba ....
Dabbe pe dabba, dabbe pe dabba ....
Dabbe pe dabba, dabbe pe dabba ....
Dabbe pe dabba, dabbe pe dabba ....
Dabbe pe dabba, dabbe pe dabba ....
Dabbe pe dabba, dabbe pe dabba ....
Dabbe pe dabba, dabbe pe dabba ....
Dabbe pe dabba, dabbe pe dabba ....
Dabbe pe dabba, dabbe pe dabba ....
Dabbe pe dabba, dabbe pe dabba ....
Dabbe pe dabba, dabbe pe dabba .... uske upar aur ek dabba ....
arre aage bhi to boliye janaab ....
Dabbe pe dabba, dabbe pe dabba ....
Dabbe pe dabba, dabbe pe dabba ....
Dabbe pe dabba, dabbe pe dabba ....
Dabbe pe dabba, dabbe pe dabba .... uske upar aur ek dabba ....
Wah ... kya balance hai .....
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A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa .
He took his faithful pet Dachshund dog along for company.
One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost.
Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.
The dachshund thinks, "I'm in deep trouble now! Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees.
"Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That dachshund nearly had me."
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes.
But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."
Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks "What am I going to do now?"
But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet... and just when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says........ ......... .....
"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard."
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1. Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you
take them while driving.
2. Having one child makes you a parent; having two
makes you a referee.
3. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is
always right and the other is the husband!
4. They said we should all pay our tax with a smile. I
tried- but they wanted cash.
5. A child's greatest period of growth is the month
after you've purchased new school uniforms.
6. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
7. Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry
the one you cannot live without... but whatever you
do, you'll regret it later.
8. You can't buy love. . But you pay heavily for it.
9. True friends stab you in the front.
10. Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for
hurting me.
11. Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do
not vote.
12. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting
before you get tired.
13. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong
and she agrees with me.
14. Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job
to others.
15. Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
16. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes
his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
17. They call our language the mother tongue because
the father seldom gets to speak.
18. Saving is the best thing. Especially when your
parents have done it for you.
19. Wise men talk because they have something to say;
fools talk because they have to say something.
20. Real friends are the ones who survive transitions
between address books
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Regards,
Kumar.:cool:
RamgopalIyer
12th December 2006, 06:47 PM
today I hav some funny statements made by lawyers
These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts of America, and are things attorneys actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters, who had to suffer from the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when aperson dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing
an
autopsy on him!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Enjoy
ram
LajjaPatel
13th December 2006, 11:12 AM
hi
both of u........
abe kitneee PJ's maroge.........
enuf yaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrr.....:eek:
KumarJasapara
15th December 2006, 04:45 PM
Oye Lajja,
Laughter is the best medicine !!!
Landline or mobile ring..........????????????????
On a romantic day sridhar's girlfriend asks him.
Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring.
Sridhar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.
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One more bomb.....
2 Men were fixing a bomb in a car.
Man 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
MAn 2 : Dont worry, I have a one more.
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Bday every year... DATE OF BIRTH??????????????
Interviewer : When is your birthday.
Man : 13th Oct.
Interviewer : which year ?
Man : Oye Ullu ke patte : Every year.
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Parking for 2 wheeler....
A man was busy removing a wheel from his auto.
Another man asks d first one
"why are you removing a wheel from your auto".
Man1 : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler
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Car starts wid "TEA".............??????????
Man : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Man : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai.
Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.
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Which Part???????????????
Boss : Where were you born ?
Man : Punjab .
Boss : which part ?
Man : Kya which part ? Whole body born in punjab.
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E-mail n Female......
American told Indian : Hamare desh me 90% shaadi e-mail se hoti hai.
Indian : Kya bat hai. Hamari desh me 100% shaadi female se hoti hai.
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Submarine Destruction
How will you destroy a submarine full of Americans ?
Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it.
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Dreams Come True
Once a Man had a nightmare that he was murdered by someone very cruelly.
The nex day man cancelled his bank account ????????
Coz the caption of d bank read "WE MAKE UR DREAMS COME TRUE
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Saving Money 4 Honeymoon
Once a man told his frn that I saved half of the honeymoon cost ....... I went alone to Goa....
His frn told him....
I saved the whole money I sent my wife with my frn on his honeymoon
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A man at a Hotel..
A man went 2 hotel,
Ordered chiken, Waiter comes with the order,
Man:Murgi di taang kithe hai?
Waiter:Woh langra tha.
Man: Dil?
Waiter:Dil murgi le gayee.
Man:Dimaag?
Waiter: Murga Mind absent wala tha !!!!!!!!!!
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A man Enquiring ......
A man Calls up the airport for enquiry :
Man : How long does it take to fly from Amritsar to Delhi.
Reply : Just a sec, Sir.
Man : Thankyou
Man hangs up the phone ....
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Beard Man gets a Shave n stunss........
EK BAAR EK BADA DADIWALA ADMI SHAVING KARVAKE RAAT KO GHAR DER SE AATE HAI
USKI BIWI NEEND MEIN HOTI HAI
JAB WHO AADMI APNI BIWI KE PAAS JAKE LET TA HAI TO
USKI BIWI KAHATI HAI " ARE SHARMA JI AAP FIR AAAAAA GAYE"
HIHIHI...................
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A Man at a Bank....
A Man went to a bank...
start writing a cheque...
but suddenly surprised and then take that cheque book n move out from bank...
take a ticket to Dehli....
(do u know Y?)
bcoz...in cheque it is written that..."WRITE IN CAPITAL
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A Man n d car gears...
A Man took 1 day to go to his native
& 6 days to come back & starts banging his car.
When asked:"These bloody Maruti people have provided only one gear to come back but five to go front"
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A Man n d Dog tail...
A man2 was inserting dogs tail into pipe
Man1: oye paji dogs tail will never become straight.
Man2:oye idiot i am trying to bend the pipe.
hahaha......
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Gandhi "jayanthi"...........?
Lecturer : Write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi.
Boy : Gandhi was a great man but maa kasam, I dont know who is Jayanthi.
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April Fool.............
A Man got into a bus on 1st April.
When conductor asked for ticket.
He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said
April fool. I have pass
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A man n keyboard alphabets
A man joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
man : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
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Regards,
Kumar.:cool:
RamgopalIyer
15th December 2006, 07:22 PM
Hi guys
Today I have a cool letter
Letter from husband ( who is abroad ) to wife
Dear Sweetheart:
I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses.
You are my sweetheart
Your husband
Allen
============ ========= ========= =========
His wife replied back after some days to her husband:
Dearest sweetheart,
Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.
1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses
Instead of the rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him Some other items....... ....
5. Other expenses 40 kisses
Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and
I hope I can complete the month using this balance.
Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise!!!
Your Sweet Heart
Enjoy
ram
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